


Meet Me True

by WhoIsWren



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel True Forms, Angel Wings, Canon Compliant, Castiel (Supernatural)'s True Form, Castiel in the Bunker, Dean Remembers Hell, Dean Talks About Feelings, Hell Flashbacks, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-04-19 23:45:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14248395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhoIsWren/pseuds/WhoIsWren
Summary: There's a question Dean's been meaning to ask Cas for years.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set somewhere between 13x12 and 13x16.

They got Cas back and it’s the biggest win Dean could ever dream of. He’s still in a state of shock, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. He can’t get over the tidal wave of emotions that crashed over him when he heard that gravelly voice on the phone, or when he’d seen his best friend alive and well standing by a phone booth.

Dean still can’t believe it’s real. The thought of being trapped by a Djinn again crosses his mind at least four times a day.

Cas is alive, he’s here with Dean and Sam where he belongs, he’s _home_. There’s nothing better in Dean’s mind. It’s making Dean think though, about time and life and regrets. The life of a hunter is a short one, even if death doesn’t always stick to them. That should mean that they live life to the fullest and don’t hold anything back.

Dean’s not sure he’s ready for the freedom that would bring, but he’s feeling brave enough for some baby steps.

There’s something he’s been dying to know for years, something he’s never spoken about, something he’d been too ashamed to ask. Dean just got a miracle in Cas’ resurrection, he doesn’t know how many more of those he’s going to get. It’s about time he buck up and ask the hard questions. No matter how much the thought makes him want to jump in Baby and drive somewhere very far away and very remote.

He times it well, waiting until Sammy is out of the bunker and will be for several hours. Dean doesn’t know what he does when he leaves but respects the fact that they both need time away from the bunker and each other.

Point is, Sammy is gone and the bunker is empty, except for Dean and Cas. For a few minutes Dean sits in the library nursing a beer, trying to work up the courage to talk to Cas. He hasn’t been this nervous since his first kiss with Robin.

It’s always been hard for Dean to talk about his feelings but this is worse; this is Hell, literally.

One of the things Dean loves most about his friendship with Cas is the way they seem to understand each other on a level Dean sometimes doesn’t even share with Sam. Cas understands things about Dean that Sam could never comprehend, likewise Dean might be one of the only people – human or otherwise – to ever truly understand Castiel.

It’s a heady feeling, that level of trust and companionship, but Dean wouldn’t have it any other way.

Their ‘profound bond’ proves just as strong as ever when Cas walks into the library, mildly distracted, – by thoughts of Jack no doubt – and diverts to sit in front of Dean once he sees the look on Dean’s face. Dean doesn’t know what the hell his face is doing but it’s apparently enough of a giveaway that Cas seems to understand the thoughts circling Dean’s mind without him even speaking.

“Dean?” It’s so gentle and soft, so goddamn _caring_ that Dean thinks he might cry. There’s only one topic that makes Cas’ voice turn quiet and cautious like that and Dean didn’t even have to say a word. Cas _gets_ it.

“When we first met, what did you think? Of me?” The question comes out quiet and a little rough and disjointed in places but at least he _said_ it. He may have said it to his beer bottle, not having the courage to look at Cas’ face, but it’s out there in the world now. A question Dean’s been hanging on to, been dying to ask, for nearly 10 years.

_Shit, has it really been 10 years?_

“Well, you shot me, and stabbed me.” Cas sounds deliberately light and teasing. He’s giving Dean an out, a last chance to ditch this conversation and pretend it never happened. Dean could kiss Cas in gratitude, his best friend knows him so well. But for once Dean doesn’t take the out, he musters up all the courage he has when facing down demons, Knights of Hell, and even Lucifer himself and looks at Cas.

“Not in the barn. The first time you ever saw me. I wanna know,” his voice has gained a little more strength, in that way only being with Cas brings him.

It’s a testament to how well Cas knows him when the angel doesn’t try to scare him off with sympathies or ask if he’s sure. Cas takes a deep breath and settles more comfortably in the wooden desk chair. For a moment all Cas does is stare at him, those all too knowing blue eyes locked on Dean’s troubled green. Dean remembers a time when he told himself he hated the staring, when he tried to get Cas to stop staring at him all the time. He never hated the staring; he just didn’t want to look too closely as to _why_ he didn’t hate it. Now, however, he feels a certain comfort in the act as if everything is right with the world as long as Castiel is staring at him.

“Angels were never created to venture into Hell. We all knew it was a suicide mission to go in there after you, but a brave few decided it was worth it,” Cas begins almost literally from the beginning. His voice has always soothed Dean, even when talking about horrible things such as his time in Hell. “The others fought off the hordes of demons while I went to find you.”

Cas pauses like it’s just as hard for him to talk about Hell as it is for Dean. When he speaks again there’s a new intensity to Cas’ eyes, like what he’s saying is the most important thing Dean needs to hear.

“I’ve never been drawn to a soul the way I was to yours, the way I still am. You were like those lighthouses, a light in the darkness, something good in that land of evil.” Cas sighs and looks a little sad, like he knows Dean won’t believe that he was truly _good_. “Your soul may have been tainted and more than a little broken but it still shone with an impressive light, it was still full of life. I saw your soul and knew why you were Michael’s vessel.”

Dean winces a bit at that. He hates talking about Hell, but being Michael’s vessel isn’t something Dean likes to think about. It’s not something he ever mentions but one of his biggest fears – aside from losing Sam or Cas – was not being in control of his own body. It’s what he thinks about every time he ganks a demon, the human inside is better off dead than having to live with the memories of watching your body move without your consent. At least, it’s what he tells himself so he doesn’t have to think about all the people he could have saved. Being hunter isn’t easy and sometimes you have to do the bad thing, the truly horrible and evil thing, to save everyone else. It’s a hard pill to swallow but one Dean does every hunt. There are always sacrifices to be made, prices to pay. It’s why Dean can’t believe Cas whenever he talks about Dean having a bright soul.

Someone as dead on the inside as Dean can’t have a soul that pure.

“I reached for you but you shied away. You kept saying you weren’t worth saving, that there was hundreds of souls that needed saving, but not you. I told you no one is worth more than you and gripped your shoulder and flew faster than I ever have. I didn’t stop until I was at your grave site, far away from any demons or angels.”

Dean remembers every single second of his 40 years in Hell, he remembers being saved, remembers begging others to be saved. Sure, in Hell there were plenty of souls that deserved to be there but there were others like Dean. Souls that made a deal to save someone or some other selfless act, those were the souls that should have been saved, not Dean.

All these years later Dean has come to accept that he does some good in the world, he saves a lot of people and kills a lot of bad guys. As hard as it is to admit, he’s needed, he’s important.

He thinks back to his conversation with Billie, remembers telling her he didn’t matter, and he believed every word out of his mouth. He’s come to realise that while he can’t live without Sammy, he also can’t live without Cas either. What he feels for Cas is completely different to what he feels for Sam but it’s just as powerful, just as much a part of him.

“The moment I touched your soul I knew everything about you, and yet years later you still surprise me,” Cas smiles, something he doesn’t do enough of in Dean’s opinion, and Dean can’t help but return it. “Dean I saw you and I wanted to know you, to understand you; As more than a human, more than Michael’s vessel. I have never regretted pulling you from Hell and for the rest of my long life I never will.”

Dean swallows hard and looks at Castiel. That’s a pretty heavy statement to make, especially when you’re immortal. He always worried he ruined Cas, just like all those angels kept telling him, but maybe they saved each other. His memories of Hell are always horrible but the fact that he met Cas there makes the whole ordeal a little more bearable.

Dean can’t quiet seem to catch his breath, overwhelmed with the intensity of Cas’ eyes and his words. There’s a hidden meaning to his words, like there always is between them, words neither of them say but ones they hear just as clearly as if spoken.

Cas smiles softly, just a small quirk of the lips, and reaches out to lay his hand on top of one of Dean’s. It shocks Dean, this intimate contact, but even that can’t drag his eyes away from Cas’.

“You were worth saving in Hell, as you were in Purgatory, and with the Mark of Cain, as a demon, and in prison. You are always worth saving.”

Even now after so many years on Earth Cas will struggle with the human language, but sometimes he gets everything right and it blows Dean away. Dean himself has never been good with words or feelings, not when he really means them, so he’s at a loss for what to say.

But maybe, there is nothing to say. Maybe sometimes, words don’t matter.

Instead of replying Dean takes a deep breath and turns his hand over and squeezes Castiel’s. He doesn’t let go and neither does Cas. They’re officially holding hands now and it doesn’t freak Dean out in the least. It feels right, sitting there with Cas, holding hands.

Dean’s broken little soul feels a little better, a little more mended, a little more whole.

He had to go all the way to Hell but Dean found that elusive thing he’s been secretly searching for his whole life. He finally found someone he can give his heart to, someone he can trust to keep it safe.

Dean found his angel.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Camp NaNo I'm writing 20 short fics over several different fandoms, this is number 5.  
> [My Tumblr](http://www.nothing-personal-my-dear.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

“Now I’m curious,” Castiel smiled. They had been sitting in comfortable silence for several minutes, their hands still tightly clasped on top the library table. “What was your first impression of me?”

Without even really comprehending the question Dean felt his cheeks flame. Talking about feelings was always difficult for Dean, but talking about feelings _and_ Hell was a new level of uncomfortable.

He was still staring at their hands and focused on them instead of answering. His hands were a shade darker than Castiel’s and certainly far rougher than the smooth hands of the angel’s. It felt as if he was too rough, too ragged, and far too damaged for something as soft and gentle as an angel. Even knowing that angels were warriors of God and that they were in no way gentle, nice, or any form of wholesome didn’t take away from the feeling.

He didn’t deserve someone as good as Cas. Sure, the angel screwed up a lot of things over the years and sometimes he could be a damn idiot, but at his heart Castiel was pure and good. So unlike Dean, especially the Dean he was in Hell. That was a new low for Dean and he hated knowing Castiel had to see him that way.

But remembering what it was like when he saw Cas, it stole his breath.

“You were beautiful,” Dean whispers to their hands, not having the courage to look up at Cas. “I mean you didn’t, you didn’t even look like much. You were just this blue glowing figure with black wings. But you were beautiful.”

He wanted to go on, wanted to tell Cas how Dean felt unworthy to be in the presence of something so wonderful. He wanted Cas to know that he’d never seen something as beautiful as Cas before, and didn’t think he ever would. There were always a thousand things Dean wanted to say to Cas but every time he tried to get the words out he choked. It was a combination of being taught that feelings are weak, being scared to let anyone close for fear of them leaving, and not wanting to ruin the amazing friendship they have.

Dean looked up at Cas after they’d been silent for too long, worried he’d overstepped whatever boundary they’d been toeing the past few years. Surprisingly, Cas was blushing, something Dean never thought he’d see. It was barely noticeable but it was there and Dean smiled. He ran his thumb across Cas’ knuckles and chuckled. It felt pretty amazing to know he could make Cas feel this way. The fact that the angel _felt_ anything at all was miracle enough, but to know he felt something for _Dean_ was almost more than the hunter could comprehend.

For a while they just smiled at each other, lost in the other’s eyes in the way they often were.

“I looked at you and wanted to be around your light forever,” Dean whispered into the space between them. He didn’t mean to say it, didn’t even know he’d said anything until Cas’ eyes widened.

It felt like a confession, like something deep and abiding. It sounded like a promise, like a goddamned vow.

Dean was scared about what it all meant but looking into those deep blue eyes made Dean feel invincible. For once he didn’t regret pouring his heart out, however unconsciously the confession was.  

“What you saw was my grace; it wasn’t even my true form yet,” Cas begins but Dean can tell he’s in for one of Castiel’s teaching moments. “After notable achievements and angel is allowed to choose a feature of their true form. When I rescued you from Hell, all I had was my size and my wings.”

It’s something Dean didn’t know, something he’d never even thought about. Just like with any other supernatural creature Angels are secretive and keep certain aspects of their species to themselves. Dean understands what’s happening here and the thought makes him warm all over and heals some of the wounds around his heart.

Cas wants Dean to know him, to really understand him in a way not many are privy to.

They’re really doing this. Without ever saying anything remotely significant they’ve found themselves on the same page. They can read each other like no others can, like no others ever will.

Though they speak in half-finished thoughts and incomplete sentences, they understand each other perfectly.

They are jumping over the barrier they’ve kept between them. They are doing this, becoming more than what they were.

Dean finds he’s nervous but not afraid. He knows Cas would never hurt him or leave him in the ways he fears the most. Cas is his best friend, someone he can trust with his heart. He wants Cas to know he can trust Dean with anything.

“What does your true form look like now?” Dean softly asks. He doubts any form of Cas could be anything less than beautiful.

Cas just looks at him for a moment, blue eyes roaming all over his face. It looks like Cas is working up to something big, like he’s trying to find courage in Dean’s expression to say what needs to be said. Despite the hesitance, Dean isn’t worried.

After everything they’ve been through, everything they’ve seen, there’s nothing that could scare Dean off.

“I look like this. Exactly as you see me now,” Cas replies seriously, before rolling his eyes, “expect with the black wings and roughly the size of the Chrysler Building.”

“Size isn’t everything Cas,” Dean chuckles, squeezing Cas’ hand. It’s been months since he’s felt this happy, this free of burdens. Maybe they should have had this talk years ago?

Logically, Dean knows they couldn’t have moved forward until this very moment. They needed these past years to get to know each other, to trust each other, to become family. Without everything they’ve been through they wouldn’t have ended up here – sitting in the library of the Men of Letters Bunker, holding hands, and practically confessing their feelings.

Dean never dreamed he’d be able to have this.

“My life with you, and Sam, has changed me. Because of the Winchesters I am the Angel I am today.” Cas isn’t the type to smile freely and he doesn’t smile now, but in his eyes is a deep seeded happiness. “You helped shaped the person I am, Dean, and for that I will always stand by your side.”

Dean looks at Cas and doesn’t know what to say. What do you say when your best friend, turned lover – and isn’t that a phrase that’s going to take some getting used to, but one that makes Dean feel on top of the freaking world – says that they’ve modelled themselves after the vessel you fell for.

That’s a big commitment, a once in a very long lifetime decision. Cas did this because to him Dean is important.

There are no words for this situation, none that could compare to the gravity of Cas’ declaration.

Instead of trying to find the perfect words Dean slips his hand out of Cas’ and stands, walking around the table to stand next to the seated angel. His breathing is unsteady and his hands sweaty. Once he takes this last step there is no going back.

Good thing Dean doesn’t want to go back.

Leaning down Dean cups Cas’ stubbled cheeks in his rough hands and plants his lips against the angel’s. It’s far from his first kiss but he’s just as nervous as he was that first time. Cas’ lips are dry but to Dean it’s perfect. He’s imagined this scenario a million times over the past decade but none of his fantasy’s compare to the real deal.

The press of Cas’ lips against his own leaves him breathless and near shaking. Pulling back slightly Dean slowly opens his eyes, watching the way Cas takes a few moments longer to blink his eyes open. Both Dean and Cas smile at each other before Cas pulls Dean back down into another kiss. This one more heated than the last.

They lose themselves in the kiss. The press of lips and twisting of tongues, the firm press and gentle pull. It’s intoxicating, addicting, and all encompassing. Dean could happily spend hours mapping every inch of Castiel’s mouth with his tongue.

Distantly Dean hears the creak of the heavy bunker door opening and closing but then Cas pulls on his hair and he moans loudly, tangling his tongue with Cas’ once more. Cas pulls back, leaning his forehead against Dean’s, as they both fight to catch their breath.

This close, Dean can hear Cas’ breath hitch and feel the way the angel tenses. In response Dean feels his own body tense as he finally registers the feeling of eyes on him. There’s only one person that could be looking at them right now.

Sighing Dean straightens and turns to see Sam staring wide eyed at the two of them. Behind him Cas shifts in the seat before standing shoulder to shoulder with Dean. They stand together to face down whatever may come their way, as they’ve always done. Dean feels pride course through him at that.

He stares at Sam, his little brother who hasn’t been little in over two decades, and prays to a God that isn’t there that everything will be okay. Losing Sam but gaining Cas isn’t something Dean could deal with. He needs Sam just as much as he needs Cas, always will.

“Finally!” Sam exclaims heavily, rolling his eyes so hard Dean fears they’ll roll right out of his head. Sam smiles and shakes his head at them before turning around and heading off towards his room.

As soon as Dean hears Sam’s door close he slumps against the table, though makes sure to pull Cas with him. Keeping his hands on the angel’s hips as Cas settles between his outstretched legs Dean rests his head against Cas’ shoulder. For a few moments he sits there, breathing in the scent that is purely Cas and entirely indescribable.

“That went well,” Cas comments after a few minutes of basking in the feel of being close.

Dean can’t help it. He laughs, loud and happy. All the tension in his body relaxes as he laughs, doubling over and clutching his stomach.

Eyes shining and lips pulled back in a smile Dean gazes at Cas. He can’t believe he gets this but he thanks every deity out there that he does. He pulls Cas back to him and kisses him through his smile.

He’s got his brother and he’s got his angel.

Things are going to be okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments below! =] What did you think of Cas' true form in this??
> 
>  
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://www.nothing-personal-my-dear.tumblr.com)


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